Kettle Mourning

"Shit, shit. I'm coming! I'm coming, goodness."
This is a common string of frustrations I blurt out, directed at my screaming tea kettle every morning; pre-caffeine of course. I set the kettle on, grind the dark beans of life giving energy and nestle the grounds into the bleach-free filter. It all starts out very innocent, The Morning Coffee Ritual. I start looking forward to my morning cup of coffee the night before. Just the thought of the first hot, comforting, creamy cup in the handmade ceramic mug brings me hope that tomorrow will be glorious. Sometimes, the thought of that morning cup is the only incentive I have to go to bed at a reasonable hour. My husband thinks it's cute, my pre-coffee enjoyment. I call it Fair Trade Organic Caffeine Dedication.I do live in the Pacific North West after all; and besides bottled water wars,plastic bans and all other eco related rights-- Coffee is what we take most seriously. Which brings me back to my kettle.
So after I've pre-rinsed the filter to get the paper taste out (as to not alter the taste of my beloved nectar of life) and set up the drip cone atop the glass coffee maker on the stove burner, I sleepily attend to my other a.m. tasks. Pet the cat, check my email and social media accounts, get lost in thoughts of the to do's of the day, attending to the calls of nature-- when the kettle starts its cry. My kettle doesn't whistle, it wails. That dramatic little turquoise bitch spits and sputters water and screams as though it's auditioning for the role of epileptic ambulance in an art students mid-term activism project. It turns my morning coffee into a Mourning Coffee. I hurry to make the awfulness stop, and I apologize to my kettle for causing it pain. It seems appropriate somehow. And then the making of the coffee commences. And all will be alright in the world, in five more minutes. As I snuggle with my first cup on my front porch, the glorious has begun.

~A

a life sentence...

If I believed what I saw on TV, I’d be a fuckin millionare; my home based internet business would let me afford that super mega trillion GHz system with true surround sound to organize my life and order at my fingertips a pill for my mate that’ll make me come, and that wonderful silver necklace that’ll make me shine with my overpriced make up to make my man stay if I exercise more and clean everything with pine scented cleaners and futuristic gadgets that make my life easy to fix any problem with the switch of a button, undone with plastic breasts my life could be better when I buy real estate and stay up too late, TV sucks my ass.

~g

a wednesday to remember....

I didn't think I'd be in Washington today. Sometimes, things just happen. Didn't think I'd be at a Little League game either. Seeing distantly related second, third, fourth cousins, Great Uncles, once removed Aunts, once removed, and a back again wife, and talking about turning trash into fashion.  Deciding to return home after an unexpectedly adventurous day, and a reunion with family, some never met, I needed (really wanted) coffee to get me through the 2 hour drive home. God forbid I stop at a convenience store off random exit number irrelevant....  I knew just a few miles up the freeway there were 24 hour coffee places. I wanted fair trade. I wanted real cream. Turned into driving 25 miles in the opposite direction from my destination....  only to end up at a convenience store as I'd lost my way back to the freeway. Iced "coffee" was going to have to suffice. Called a friend to give her the readers digest condensed version of my day, (longer than the snapshot I've listed here...) only to lock my keys in the car.  Fuck the What?!?!  11:30pm, 132 miles from home, no spare key.... turned out to be a $61.99 cup of "coffee" that added another 50 miles to my trip home. After the unexpected fee to the 'locksmith' that opened my door in 3.5 seconds.  I left the home of I cousin I'd never met at 10:45. Finally home in bed at 2:30am....  I've never had a more bizarre 357 mile road trip. What lengths would YOU go to for a cup of coffee??  I didn't used to question my intelligence.....